Have you read any recent resume faux pas that made you laugh hysterically or perhaps caused you to shake your head? Ever wonder how some people got hired with those amazing (read awful) blunders and errors they have on their resumes. Conversely, have you ever made an embarrassing gaffe which you may (or may not) have corrected either because somebody pointed it out/called your attention or you discovered it yourself? People do write the most peculiar things on their resumes that are downright hilarious at times. Here are some weird things actual people have put on their resume that they shouldn’t have. These are not made up. People really did put them on their resume or job applications.

1. From an applicant for a supervisory position: “I’m a ‘neat nut’ with repute for being uncompromising. I have less patience for sloppy work, happy-go-lucky mistakes and theft of company time.” (I don;’t know what to say. lol)

2. Objective: “My compensation package at my last job included basic salary of $54,000 with superior benefits that also included flexitime. I am seeking a position where I can work a flexible timetable.” (Like…2 days a week?)

3. Work Experience: “Blackjack and baccarat dealer for two years. Customer relations is a strong point; constantly challenged considering how angry people can get when they lose so much money.” (It’s funny, but you can appreciate how patient the applicant is.)

4. Skills: “I have high integrity so I am not going to steal office supplies and take them home.” (Makes you wonder why they left their last job!)

5. Strengths: “Desire to showcase my charming personality, intellect and advanced judgment which are so difficult to find these days.” (Oh sure.)

6. Objective: “So one of the major things for me is, ‘Show me the money’ as ‘Jerry McGuire’ puts it!’” (You watch way too many movies, bub.)

7. Qualifications: “I have guts; I am ambitious and driven, which is perhaps more than any of the drones working for you.” (So you want to be a drone, too?)

8. Skills: “Superior memory; excellent Math ability; superior memory; efficient management skills and excellent at Math.” (Maybe their long term memory is better.)

9. Reason for leaving last job: “Shoved aside to accommodate the vice president’s girlfriend.” (Oh boy…)

10. Top line of the resume reads: “If this resume fails to blow your mind, then please send it back in the enclosed envelope.” (Where is that envelope???)

Job hunting can be exhausting and frustrating, especially if you’ve been turned down so many times, you’ve lost count of the number of rejections and setbacks you have experienced. This can drive you to desperation and make you want to put something astounding on your resume to make it stand out from the rest. Be careful about getting too creative, though. In today’s scarce job market, the last thing you need is to commit gaffes and faux pas that can be detrimental instead of beneficial to your search. Choose your words wisely, my friends!

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This entry was posted on Monday, May 31st, 2010 at 8:33 am and is filed under Applying for a Job, Free Advice, Humor, Job Search Tips, Resume, Resume Do's and Don'ts, Resume Help. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.